"When there are conditions attached to love - "I love you if you'll..." or "If you loved me you'd..." - it is no longer love. You cannot force someone to do certain things for you or to act in a particular way or to say the things you want them to, not even "I love you." Others do what they want most of the time, so if they don't call or they don't act in a caring way the best thing you can do is simply observe it for what it is without any expectations. If you don't have expectations, then you can view most things as a bonus. This doesn't mean that you should put up with bad treatment but it does mean you can decide to love and accept each person as they present. And you can make choices as to what works best for you. Bringing it back to you and what you need means taking the focus off them - no blame, no victim. This is calling loving unconditionally. Unconditional love is the ultimate test. The challenge is to see if we're really capable of loving without strings attached, the way we say we are. The question to ask is, "Am I allowing fear to prevent me from loving without conditions and terms?" Because by transcending fear you can love unconditionally. In other words, you're in control, and you're not relying on something else to feel loved or to be responsible for how you feel. You take responsibility for yourself and you allow others to be as they are. You can love someone and still keep your power. This is unconditional love in action."First thing that caught my attention: "You cannot force someone to do certain things for you or to act in a particular way.." only because I tend to have a problem with changing myself for other people. Sometimes for the better, but usually not. I get attached to someone and allow them to "run" the relationship, which makes it easy for me to just do what they want. After this last relationship, I told myself "never again." I am stronger than that and I deserve better than that. No one should ever have to change who they are for someone to love them. EVER. Flat out. Sure - we change little ways of ourselves to prove love, but not entire personalities or what makes "me, me."
Also, I think that I am fearful of loving unconditionally no matter who it is. I am scared to be let down, scared of failure, scared of making the wrong decision. For some reason, I don't know how to love with my heart. I love with my mind and the idea of love. After a surprise awakening though, I did scare myself by realizing how much I can actually love a person. How much I can actually look them in the eyes and make my heart pound for them and only them. No matter what else is going on in my life, that moment is just the two of us. We are alone. For that moment in time.
I love the thought of loving unconditionally and I have a feeling I know how that feels, but is that worth it to make it to the end? To win the race? To get the prize? All the hardships and stubborn times - is that just a rough patch we have to go through to get to the end? Only time, prayer, and belief can get us to that answer. And that's all I can do for now.
I recently had a surprise awakening. Must be going around. Here's an odd thought. Once upon a time, I had a dog. I could do whatever I wanted to that dog. Of course I would feed him, take care of him, let him sleep in my bed, let him out, play with him... But sometimes, I would get angry, and that dog didn't do anything wrong, but I would shove him out of the way. He'd go lay down. But he would stay there. I was very sick once, he laid next to me all day as I was feeling like death. I have no doubt in my mind, that he loved me unconditionally. People are not dogs, we think to much, we analyze, we react. We don't let love be what it is and drive who we are or what we do. That dog would always come back to me no matter what I did. It wasn't an expectation. He just did. That's what I need to learn. To love unconditionally. To stop using my head all the time, drop my preconceptions and expectations. To love her for who she is, and for who she wants to be. That's what I need to do next time.
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