Be a life adventurer...

"When someone leaves you, it's easy to feel that you did something wrong or said something to make it happen - that what happened was all your fault. You can feel that way, and take up the flag of The Victim. Or you can decide that it was part of the grand plan set out especially for you by the Universe to move you on to the next stage of your adventure. Carry the flag of The Life Adventurer instead! Remember that you're here to chalk up as many experiences along the way as are necessary to help you to uncover and discover your personal destiny."

 Breaking up with someone or vice versa is never easy if you are a loving human being. It's just a time in our life that we need to go through these few simple steps to realize that what happened was meant to happen:


CLOSURE: Hear or break the news, take or give some time apart, forgive or mend past wrongs, communicate the pain or regret. Do all these things as calmly as possible.
CLEAN: Toss out junk. Vacuum. Mop. Clean. It's amazingly therapeutic and it will keep you busy for a while. You'll have a sense of achievement when you're finished.
STORAGE: Put reminders away! Photo frames, items of clothing, certain CD's, any gifts - whatever it is, if it reminds you of the past get rid of it or put it into storage. The rule is: look at the object and ask, "Energy up or energy down?" 
TIME OUT: What are you waiting for? Now is the perfect time to use those Frequent Flyer points and annual leave. Go somewhere fabulous and leave the past behind for real. The postcards you can send are worth it! If you can't possibly get away for a long trip, take a day off work or school and have a long weekend.
FRESH START: It's a good time to plan the new phase of your life and devote time to yourself. Review all areas and map out exactly what it is you really want.
HEALTH AND FITNESS: This is the part where you really need to get with the program. Physical activity is a proven antidepressant and the endorphin charge is a natural high. Get into it and get over it - fast.
NEW FRIENDS: You can't stay at home and mope forever. Get out there and meet new people. Even if you feel terrible it's important to make new friends, and you never know who they know.
NEW ACTIVITIES: There's a world waiting to be discovered. The old cliché works: join the club, sign up for the course. Just do it.


When you break up with someone you need a strategy to cope with the separation and to recover from it. It doesn't matter whether you were the person who made the decision to leave or whether it was your ex's decision. Reading through these steps actually helped me realize that I am going through these STILL - after a break up about four months ago. It's reassuring knowing that I am moving forward in my life even if it is in a slow, but sturdy way.

"Everything moves, nothing stays, and I should not hold on." -Ilse Bing, photographer and poet


Hurt = temporary pain
Damage = long-term hurt + long-term pain
AVOID DAMAGE!!!!!! Deal with your hurt when it first crops up. Don't fight it - let it go and let it be.

Respect your body, you've only got one...

"Life is not about having approval for what you look like, what labels you wear, or what gig you may have going. It's not about what others say is groovy or IN. It's about YOU and being who YOU are. Dance to your own beat. Stay healthy: exercise, eat good food, breathe fresh air and drink plenty of water. Do it for yourself, not for anyone else. And then when you do meet someone who rocks your world, you won't panic and rush into a crazy diet and gym schedule."

Society has this crazy way of getting under our skin and trying to change ourselves, so that we can all compare each other and try to be the best of the best. I'm guilty of it - I'm sure a lot of us are at some degree. This is a big part of my life right now - trying to figure out who I really am and only being ME, not someone else.

Slowly, but surely, I am doing things for myself. I started P90X again and my goal is the whole 90 days. Right now, I can't get through the entire videos 100%, but at least I'm at more than 70%. I go at my own pace, but I am working out and I am proud of myself for that. I am extremely sore, but they say that's just pain leaving the body, right?!

I am also giving time to me, myself, and I. Last Saturday night, I laid in my bedroom with some great Pandora music and crocheted - for four hours! While crocheting, I was able to listen to great lyrics from Sara Bareilles, John Mayer, Jack Johnson, Colbie Caillat, KT Tunstall, etc. I was able to put those lyrics into my own perspective and a lot of them really hit me hard. It made me feel so good inside and I truly feel like I am becoming closer to my own happiness every single day.


It will be a constant battle trying to do things for myself all the time. I am a very giving person and a lot of times, I put others before me. I just need to remember to respect myself and the rest will follow. As for now, off to crochet and continue loving life as it is.

The ultimate love test...

"At the start of a new relationship it all comes easily. That's why it's the start: the Universe breaks you in gently. All beginnings are gentle, but especially the beginnings of love, because love is the most important lesson and the Universe wants you to succeed.

But just because it's easy at the start, don't expect it to stay that way. The Universe will begin to load you up with harder lessons and tests to give you a real understanding of the long-term process that is love. You'll find that continuing to love someone in the same way that you did at the beginning of the relationship is impossible. Instead, allow each moment to have its corresponding 'love' equivalent. Each moment is as unique as each love.

Now you are on a steep love-learning curve. Loving seems to get harder and harder. Eventually, though, it will start to get easier. Love is designed this way because we are all here to learn how to love. We start off with our families, and our platonic intimates then move on to our romantic and sexual partners. The ultimate love test is to extend our love to every person and being in existence. The great masters of love have reached this level."

 I've definitely been in love - twice. But, looking back on those specific "loves," I don't think I loved the way that I should have or even felt the love that I should have. The beginnings of a relationship are some of the best times - plenty of laughter, lots of emotion, and can't seem to get enough of the other person. Then, there is that first fight...that first time they annoy you, the first time that they do something that you didn't approve of or appreciate, etc. These are the things that make us stronger in ourselves and with love. If we are able to look through those specific "negative" things and try to turn them into a positive, well, then there is the true and unleashed love everyone looks for. It's not going to happen right away or with everyone you have a relationship with, of course, but is it worth it within time?


I think that's my problem sometimes. I see specific things in people that I don't appreciate or like and it drives me away. I think that there will be someone better for me or more "perfect." Well, there lies my inner negativity. I am working on becoming more accepting and listening to others perspectives to try and understand. Then, if I am able to understand and accept them for who they are, it will get me that much closer to "the one." I am trying to remind myself that lessons and tests are coming at me everyday and I need to breathe and get through them as best I can.


Is love worth it to you? Is the love you have for that certain someone enough? Enough to get you through every single day, years down the road through the hardships? Are the specific things that drive you crazy about that person exceed the things that maybe you don't like so much? I plan on continuing to ask myself these questions as I grow in love with people. Only then will I be able to grow as a person and learn what love is and the kind of love I want to give and receive for years to come.


"Each moment is as unique as each love." I might not show it all the time, but I am a firm believer in the small moments in a relationship are greater than the bigger things; calling someone just to say "I love you," stopping for just a moment during my busy day to give them a long, loving kiss, etc. My mind and my life goes a mile a minute and I have been told that I am not great at giving the small things - but I do believe in them. I do believe it helps guide a relationship through the tough times. I just need to stop myself and think about what's in front of me instead of tomorrow, a week from now, or even a year from now. 


I am ready to be at the great level with someone. I want to be so in love with someone that I can't imagine another day without them. But, first, I need to, "belong to myself. Then and only then can I properly give myself to someone else."

Let's talk about insecurites...

"To be successful in your life and in love - your life and your love life are one and the same thing - you need to get past feelings of insecurity stemming from fears of loneliness, rejection or abandonment. Don't give in to those feelings; they'll hold you back and undermine your courage and integrity when you need them the most."

I have insecurities. Everyone does. My biggest fear is being alone - and let's think about it. I think the longest amount of time that I have been single is...maybe 6 months?! I have been in many different types of relationships, but let's face it - I have learned so much from every single one. I have learned what I want, what I don't want, what I need and what I don't need. I've also learned what type of person that I am and the type of person that I want to be for my future "husby."

I also refuse to settle for what's in front of me unless I know that this is "it." I'm not willing to settle for less than what I feel I deserve. I've learned that the long and hard way though. I will not let anyone hold me back from what I choose to do in life. I may not know 100% what I want in life or even recognize "the man of my dreams," but as I continue my path, it will only get me that much closer.

Right?

Soul Survival - the mystery of intimacy

"We all dream about finding a love with one partner that is lasting. It is possible to have it - you just need to believe that it is. But intimacy with another person starts with you and your relationship with yourself. So it may be you that's the mystery - not love!"

I'd like to start off with a quote: "Being single is best, but everyone wants to fall in love." -Andy Warhol, Love Love Love. If there is anyone that disagrees with either quotes that have been stated, I would like to know why. Seriously - everyone wants to be loved whether it's by their husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, pet, friends, family, coworkers, God, etc. We all want to feel the happiness and joy that love brings to us every single day. More so, we are all looking and waiting for that particular person to share the rest of our lives with. And like I said in my previous post and it was stated in this quote today, "...you just need to believe that it is." 

There is a particular song that comes to mind when I think of how I need to love myself and who I am before I can love another individual. It's "Broken" from Lifehouse - here is a chunk of this song that gets to me everytime: 

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

If we choose to get in a serious, intimate relationship with another person, and we don't love ourselves, the relationship will slowly diminish. We can't think that someone else loving us will give us the strength that we need. We have to find it in ourselves to accept who we are as a person and love the things that we have to offer. Sure - there will always be things we want to change about ourselves. That's a given. But, it's the things that give us strength, happiness and motivation that we need to focus on. These particular things will provide love to ourselves. 

We are all put on this Earth for a particular reason - sometimes more than one reason. Some people live their whole lives trying to figure out that reason and are in constant battle and in need of reassurance. Live your life to the fullest and do what makes you happy. If we're let down by some miraculous reason, then find the strength in that "let down" and move forward because it will only get better from there.

Love, rather than another person, completes us. And the role of ever lasting love in our lives reveals our highest potential to ourselves and the world. We need to grow within ourselves. Every time we connect with someone we have an opportunity to grow, by learning to love or at least demonstrate that we'd like to try. Growth comes through relationships with parents, friends, an intimate partner, God - but especially with ourselves. Our relationship with ourselves is the one relationship that truly is long term, the one that survives until the end, and it will probably be the most intimate relationship we will ever have.

Love is...

"Love is not only the essence of creation, but also the essence of soul survival. Love is the messenger of the soul and we are all receivers and transmitters. The frequency and the content is up to each of us as individuals in alignment with our destiny, for love is there to fulfill your soul's journey and light the way to others at the same time."

Powerful stuff to begin with. Think about it - our souls strive for love in many different ways. Just like humans, not one soul is the same. But, is there another soul made for each of us? I don't know that anyone will ever find the true answer to that - for it lies in what we believe in. There may not be one particular soul for us, but I'm sure there are many souls that we will come across that make us think this could be "the one." The one our souls have been searching for our whole life and the one that we want to cherish and share everything with until God takes us. 

No matter who we decide to share our souls with, what matters is what is written above: "...for love is there to fulfill your soul's journey and light the way to others at the same time." Find that person that you want to help guide and show all the love there is deep inside your soul. Find a soul that is willing to help fulfill your own personal adventure. This is where true happiness will come along. 


When we realize this, we see and understand all things as being one, and that all things are possible. Love is the food of the soul and the soul is love's ultimate home and destination. We all want to be loved - that's a given. But, how do you want to be loved? How does your soul want to be loved? That's the difference in each other. That's the difference between you and me. Our souls all want and need something different. We must listen to ourselves, and the people we allow to see our soul, to find that answer.